Mind over ego

I wonder; why the mighty emperors waged constant wars against smaller kingdoms – did they not feel at times these were meaningless conquests? Yet may be they could not back out as they were leading massive armies to the battle front. Having sworn by his words, he had promised to die before he surrendered to his enemies. More than this, in his own eyes he is the winner – how could he let go off that tiny speck of land that he can overpower in no time.
This is the plight of people even today – the cause is often lost in their desire to show they can be the winner. Let me take my example, an ordinary being, someone who can easily qualify for the role of the “girl next door”. Hence, I share the same emotions as the scores of young men and women around. I have had no lessons in psychology but have analysed my behaviour over these years. The fast pace of life has robbed us of the time to sit back and think. Think – what we actually want out of a situation and how should we act as well as react under these circumstances.
How often, has it happened that when you were in a conversation with a friend/partner/lover and suddenly one small point becomes the bone of contention? (Excuse my use of this cliché but I just could not get a better phrase for what I felt.) It hurts that little thing in you – your ego. Once it becomes a “matter of ego” – the mind fails to work in a logical manner. What follows is a desperate attempt to drive home that very tiny miny point by using force and power. Its personal now; you view your audience with a different perspective. He/she ceases to be your friend/partner/lover but transforms into that person who, you think, just cannot understand you! Mr.Ego is waiting there - to see you explode, anguish and frustration finding expression in words. The war of words has begun; now all that matters to you is to prove you are right. Wait a minute, but were we not trying to build a library, the house of knowledge when suddenly the trivial question of whether to place an order for that book gave way into a fight?
That one point leads to a breakdown of conversation. You have already lost sight of what you were actually discussing. What had gotten into you that you were unable to control those invisible forces. Forces that dilute the cause turn you into egomaniacs. In the wider scheme if things, such small issues appear futile and unnecessary. Why even bother on issues which deserve no more than a few minutes. But, with the help of our ever reigning ego – the war of words continues for what seems to be an eternity. The outcome: bad feelings and a deal/discussion which remains open until today. You leave the table with nothing but grievance. You delay further meetings with him/her and you become an escapist. From now on, every time you are required to discuss about the completion of the project, you have that feeling which makes you sick. You go into the room with a heavy heart of a man/woman who feels all discussions are mockery and that he/she would in any case disagree with you!
Thinking about it, the time and energy lost over such ego hassles can be very well invested in better ways. What should be our course of action is to try to identify the reasoning behind the oppositions’ decision to avoid the purchase of that book. If that seems to be fair, can we not let down our guard and let our ego rest in peace for some more time? However, we should be cognizant that some people have no other reason to oppose to our point but to satiate their ego. Hence, we have to have our own logic driven flow chart which shows the relation between the purchase of that book and the success of the library in attracting readers. Which means enormous thinking has to go into each and every point we are about to discuss. And to be able to think as we talk, we should let the mind do the talking and keep emotions at bay.
As I write, I think, have I tried to implement this in my life. May be not yet, but may be the next time, I shall try. Perhaps, “may be” is not the right set of words, I “must” try doing so rather than advising people of what their actions and reactions should be.